Space Cadet Evaluation

   

   This investigation helped me explore and grow confidence in expressing my feelings about maladaptive daydreaming. Truthfully, I still distanced myself by using visuals with the dreamer representing another person, to show how this daydreaming effect many people. My project started with looking into dancing as my visuals showed a group of dancers that represented different emotions that the dreamer was experiencing. Mainly anxiety about connecting with reality. These visuals were complete with a setting of ruins and overgrown nature (influenced by my trip to Spinalonga) to show the absence of life and how the dreamer is trapped in their dreams due to anxiety. The majority of my project I feel is more abstract which works as I am exploring something not grounded in reality. However, I wish I had created a few pieces based on my original small paintings to show the visuals, as for a maladaptive daydreamer, the dreams are more real and strong. Furthermore, by exploring more abstract style I lose the story the visuals were telling. I would have liked to have made a few canvas paintings focused on the different emotions of the dancers and bringing in other rough materials to represent the ruins and decay of the mind. Then I could move on to more abstract pieces, then when all brought together shows the decay and disconnection from reality through the development. As shown slightly through my investigation.

     This journey is also shown in this piece I created using watercolour and an old plastic film frame. Inspired by artist Kalmenson who used mould to rot a piece of film. I created my own version where the dreamer tries to break out of their dream. I really like the breaking out of frame aspect as it shows her trying to join reality. I also poured colourful paint to represent the emotions from the dancers and show the decay of the dream as she tries to break out. Unfortunately, the colours turned out quite dull and so are not as effective. I would have liked to have developed this with the colours pouring out of the frame as well and down a wall to really emphasise the loss of control. Furthermore, I really liked how the light effected the frame, it adds movement. Also, in this photo I like how the light covers the dreamers face on fifth frame and breaks between the next two as she starts to break out. It shows how the dreamer loses their identity when living in a dream. I would have liked to explore a few more pieces using this frame but I bought it years ago and didn’t know where to buy it again.

    I explored many artists such as, Chrysoula Skepetzi who I found in Crete and created paintings of people with no features and lines so they lacked form. I found this interesting and translated it in to my work where the dancers had no features to show they weren’t real. I feel this was effective as the viewer is unable to connect to them. Furthermore, as the dancers represent emotions it shows how the dreamer is not dealing with and avoiding connecting to their emotions. Another artist I looked at was Jenna Anderson, she creates beautifully detailed illustrations of another world that she has created. They are haunting and peaceful. I didn’t explore her style further but I wish I had as I could have used her as inspiration if I began my investigation creating the visuals as said earlier.

    Instead I focused on Kalmenson for his use of vibrant colour and decay that destroyed the images on the film. I explored covering work with prints, acetate, netting, broken glass and projector to show the disconnection of the dreamer. I wish I explored using the projector more as the shadows created could be really ominous and convey the ghost like feeling of the dreamer as they lose themselves. I could have created paintings/drawings of dancers to project and even move them around, like Kalmensons film to show the dreamer trying to join reality again. Moving them around would probably be more effective if I created a zoetrope of dancers. Using light to project the shadows onto the walls as it spins. Or use the ones where you have to look in them to see the movement to show how the dream is trapped inside the mind. If I had more time, I would love to try to create one of these but I have no experiences to start confidently in this area and little time to pick it up. On the other hand, I would have liked to have developed my prints further and actually layer them on top of a visual drawing. But I felt this wouldn’t have worked well with my more abstract pieces.

    However, I discovered that acetate and ink/acrylic paint worked perfectly to create a similar effect to the rotting of the film. Layering this up showed a barrier that trapped the dreamer in their mind. I especially liked the use of paint that created a rough texture, rotting like appearance similar to Kalmensons film. Additionally, this texture was inspired by the artist Mara Light. Light creates paintings of porcelain like women who appear isolated and gloomy, covered in rough drips and painted on wood. This inspired me to try capture something in the face of the dreamer as no one can really see into another’s dream. By focusing on her face, it could show her disconnection from other people with a vacant stare. I also explored drips as I had moved away from using the dancers that represent the emotions. Instead I was going to express the colours of the emotions through drips that also conveyed the loss of control over the dreams. I think these work quite effectively but I wish I was able to explore more in painting a more focused piece of the face with a bold amount of drips that almost distort the face as it becomes lost.

    The drips also create a movement as they fall. Developed from my interest of movement as I looked into ballet for the dancers, I decided to also film the paint moving. The mix of colours were intriguing as eventually they mix and lose the original colour like the dreamer losing control of their dream as they become reliant on it. I looked into Zarah Abraham as she creates drawings using charcoal and the movement of her whole body. If I had more time, I would have loved to have tried creating a drawing using paint and moving my body. However, I focused on bringing aspects of movement into my pieces differently and smaller. I created a few kinetic drawings using charcoal and paint with my fingers. I also tried drawing the movement of ballet dancers by following their movements with my pen. However due to the small scale I feel these weren’t effective and just turned out as scribbles.

    I explored movement in different ways. I created two flip books to show two dancers moving together. I would have loved to have developed this, especially into a zoetrope. But I struggled drawing in detail at such small scale. I began showing movement through the videos of the paint mixing, light/shadows and hanging things such as a felt doll to watch it sway. Eventually I filmed the action of breaking glass and even moving my camera in a side to side motion to blur the image. Creating the effect of the image spinning slightly.

  However, I needed to explore movement further to have prepared for my final piece as I ran out of time and jumped forwards on my idea on making my piece move. As I hadn’t actually made any of my pieces move using mechanics or motors, and have no experience, this didn’t work. I hadn’t considered the weight of my final piece as connecting it to the wall would need stronger support. If I was to redo my final piece and work to make it kinetic, I would use a thinner material for the circle so it is lighter and easier to move. Additionally, I would need to research into different ways to make it move such as motors, magnets, air/water currents, touch, and gravity to make piece move. Then experiment creating smaller pieces to see which works best. I wanted the viewer to be able to make it spin so the spinning motion showed the loss of control the dreamer has of their mind. Making the viewer get involved would create a connection between the dreamer to reality so they are not so withdrawn.

    I wanted to paint on a wooden circle as the brown wood would represent the nature in the visuals and the circle shows how it is the dreamers own world that they are trapped in. A 2D circle instead of a globe to show how it is not a real world. To convey the use of the wood further I would have liked to use a piece that looked more natural, with bark lines or tree rings to show a life that has been lost. It would definitely have looked more natural that way, contradicting the artificial paint colours that drip over it. This would have conveyed how she is not connected to real life and avoiding it by dreaming.

    Inspired by Mara Light, I focused on the dreamer’s face and recreated the final frame of the film piece. With the close up of the face and the dream behind pouring down in colours as it tries to trap her in her emotions. I used acrylic paints and dripped the face as well as the bright colours. I think this would look more effective if some of the colourful drips dripped over the white hair and if the face had more drips coming down to show the threat of losing herself in her dreams. I think this would have a stronger impact and help lose the straight line across the middle. Furthermore, I don’t like the eyes of the face as the shape looks off to me. I would improve them by making them look more realistic compared to the rest of the face that has a more cartoon style. This would show the false identity she has given herself in her dreams.

   I created rough textures using cardboard, paint thickener, rough biro writing and roughly painting the face. This was to represent the ruins in the visuals along with the use of wood. It also shows the dreamers life falling apart for abandoning it, losing their connection to friends and not looking after themselves. The patches in the face, with drawing underneath also convey how dreams are made up and it’s the dreamer filling in this false blank space to fulfil themselves. I’m quite pleased with how the painting turned out, especially as the colours are incredibly vibrant like Kalmenson work. Its eye-catching to show how interesting the dream is compared to the reality contrast of the bottom of the wood canvas. I used biro to write out a few selected lyrics from the song “Don’t Delete the Kisses” by Wolf Alice that inspired the visuals and the appearance of the dreamer from the album cover. These lyrics convey the trapped, isolated feelings of the dreamer. I adore how rough and faded they are, showing how the dreamer is trying to ignore their feelings and live in their dreams.

    I tried gluing old pieces of film to the side of the wood so the piece also looked like an old projector when spun, as if the dreamer is trying to project their dream in reality for others to see, or use like a gateway to try escape their dream like shown in the framed piece. However, the heat glue gun wouldn’t make the pieces stay securely and they fell off. On the other hand, I like this outcome as the falling apart pieces add to the whole image of the ruins in the visuals and the dreamer falling apart, struggling to cope. As I wasn’t going through with the kinetic idea, I decided to place the canvas on the floor with the broken bits of film to show how lost and isolated the dreamer is, looking out of place as they don’t know how to fit into their reality due to dreaming too much.

   The canvas was paired with broken glass and artificial, plastic flowers hanging over using wire. This broken glass shards represent the anxiety of living outside the dream and the fake flowers represent the overgrown wildlife in the visuals that take over her dream world and trap her inside. Additionally, I chose plastic flowers to show how the dream is fake. I considered using real flowers so they could decay to show her real life slipping away as she doesn’t live in it. I didn’t go for that as the broken glass and flowers are still part of her mind and are her made up emotions of fear. I feel like this works as it shows the threat of the canvas being underneath and broken glass hanging over dangerously. Conveying how she can’t get out due to fear. Similar, to this canvas painting I did where the glass pieces trap her inside.

   To improve this, I would like to have brought back the printing I explored earlier. Printing on the glass with the colours representing the fear emotions would make them more visible to the eye and have a larger impact in the space so it doesn’t look so empty. Furthermore, I also would have liked to create some thick drips falling down the flowers and onto the canvas to connect the two pieces and show how her anxiety fears are feeding her dreams and making her lose control.

    If I had more time and pre planned this more efficiently, I could create a few more canvas paintings in circles around the original. These canvases would have the other dancers in them of each colour emotion. The fear emotions in bigger circles than the happy emotions to convey how she isn’t truly happy in her dreams. I could also place another piece underneath them all and pour the colour paints from each other canvas to the original to show how each emotion is feeding into the dreamer’s canvas and connect them all.

      To complete my final piece, I hung all previous work that was not in a sketchbook like the film frame and canvas on the wall behind. I left this to be quite muddled as dreams are not straight forward. I wanted to include these in the background of my final piece to show the development of the dream. The dreamer can alter their dreams and change them to something new. Which is why I wanted all these sperate pieces thrown together. I think they begin to tell the story of the dreamer losing control and wanting to get out of dreaming, before the dreamer loses their grip and become the isolated piece on the floor, no longer connected to reality at all. Unfortunately, another person took over my space a little so the wall space didn’t line up in the middle of my final piece. But to show they all connect I would use some sheer fabric, in a see-through purple (fear colour) to hang behind the pieces on the wall and drape down to the floor. Creating a waterfall like appearance, conveying the dreamer falling down and drowning in their dreams.